How Not To Avoid Jury Service

Here in SoCal, a summons for jury service is not nearly the burden that it once was. You must call in to an automated telephone number each evening for a week. If your jury pool number is not called, you are done. If your number is called (which it undoubtedly will be), you go in for a day. Unless you are impaneled on a jury that day, you are done.

Despite the efforts of courts to ease the impact of jury service, and the important civic duty that it represents, people are always coming up with schemes to get out of jury duty. One of the most obvious, time-honored excuses is that you have an irreconcilable bias against one of the parties, or, similarly, that you maintain an adamant view on punishment (heavy or light). Jurors seem to forget, however, that judges hear these same excuses every single day of the year. Plus, they are, well, judges, after all, and have well-developed hooey meters.

A fellow in Massachusetts recently discovered that his declaration that he was a racist, homophobic liar was not enough to elicit sympathy from the judge:

"You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," [Judge] Nickerson said.

"That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted.

"I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added.

"I'm sorry?" Nickerson said.

"I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied.

"So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked.

"Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response.

Ellis then admitted he really didn't want to serve on a jury.

"I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said.

"That's true," Ellis answered.

Mr. Clever now faces perjury charges. Nice going.